A Guide to: What NOT to say to a new parent.

As a new parent, there are few things more exciting than sharing your joy with others. But along with all of the congratulations and well-wishes, you may also receive some unsolicited advice and comments that can be less than helpful. While most people mean well, there are certain things that you should avoid saying to new parents – both for their sake, and for yours.

Don’t talk about appearance.

Avoid making negative comments about the parents' appearance. Pregnancy and the early days of parenthood can be exhausting, and new parents may not have had the time or energy to focus on their appearance (nor should they!). They are spending their energy on their new baby, they’re not sleeping through the night and they are healing from pregnancy and birth. Comments about weight gain/loss, tired eyes, or messy hair can be hurtful and unhelpful, so it's best to avoid them altogether. Remember that saying? "If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all."

Parenting looks different in every family and that is OKAY.

Avoid making assumptions about parenting choices. Every family is different, and what works for one family may not work for another. If you are a parent yourself, remember that things may have changed since you had your children and that all babies are unique. What worked for you may not be right for another family. Comments about breastfeeding, sleep schedules, or baby care can be divisive and can put parents on the defensive. Instead, try to offer support and encouragement, and let the parents make their own decisions based on what works best for them.

Don’t Compare.

Avoid making comparisons to other parents or children. Comparing a new parent's experiences to your own or to someone else's can be damaging and can create unnecessary stress. Every parent and every child is unique, and it's important to celebrate their individual differences rather than making comparisons. Remind yourself: “Comparison is a thief of joy.” and you do not want to be responsible for diminishing joy in the those early days of parenting.

If you’re not asked for advice, keep it to yourself.

Avoid giving unsolicited advice. While you may have some helpful tips to offer, it's important to remember that new parents are still learning and figuring things out. Offering too much advice can be overwhelming and can make the parents feel like they are doing something wrong. Instead, try to offer support and encouragement, and trust that the parents are doing their best. Let them know if they want help or advice, they can always ask.

The best way you can help is to be in their corner.

The best thing you can offer new parents is non-judgmental support. Let them know that you are proud of them and will respect and support the choices they make for their child and family. Nowadays, parents often feel as though they are under so much pressure to do things “right,” even though everyone’s idea of what that is varies. Having friends and family around that act as listening ears and cheerleaders is invaluable. You may even find that by not pushing your opinions on new parents, it creates a safe space and opens the door for them to ask questions and lean into any experience that you may have to offer.

Remember: New parents are learning to parent and care for their new arrival. What they need more than anything is to be nurtured and cared for themselves, and they need cheerleaders to build up their confidence. This is the best gift you can give a new family.

Welcome Baby Co. is a Calgary-based company. We are happy to support all kinds of families through all kinds of birth and postpartum. Our goal is to prepare you for any scenario that may arise so that you can feel confident and empowered as you enter parenthood.

If you have any questions about Calgary birth doulas, Calgary postpartum doulas, breastfeeding support in Calgary or our Prenatal classes in Calgary, please contact us.

Disclaimer: The information provided on this website/blog is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have.