Tips to help your older child prepare with the adjustment of becoming a big sibling.

The moment you’ve all been waiting for - bringing your new baby home. It is a time filled with lots of excitement, maybe some nerves, and definitely a little bit of exhaustion. If you already have other children, it can be a time filled with many, many emotions for them. Often, they are excited. You’ve likely been talking a lot about the new baby and they have been waiting to meet their new sibling for what feels like forever! Sometimes they are jealous because the baby is getting so much attention, or maybe they are anxious about the baby crying. After 9 long months, seeing your children meet each other for the first time is one of those heart-filling moments that you are sure to never forget. You can see how much your older child LOVES their new sibling, but so many parents wonder “how can we keep this a positive experience for everyone?”. We’ve supported a few (or maybe a few hundred!) families through bringing new babies’ home and we have some tips on how to ease this transition to being a big sibling - whether it's for the first time, or you’ve been down this road before.

Prepare your child before the baby arrives.

Talk with your child before the baby arrives about what life may be like after they are here. Even if your child is still very young you can read age-appropriate books about welcoming a new sibling. This can help them begin to understand the changes that are about to happen. Encourage them to ask questions.

You can also start to prep them through play. Use dolls or stuffed toys to “practice” baby care and explain the things that babies need. You could even introduce a special toy for them to take care of alongside you once the baby has arrived. This way when you are changing a diaper or feeding, they can too! Their hands will be busy, and they will feel included and involved.

Prepare your home for the big sibling before the baby arrives.

It can be challenging caring for a baby and other children at the same time. You sit down to feed and suddenly someone else is letting you know they need a snack or want to play. You can prepare by setting up a few things that older children can self-manage during these times. Try:

• Snack bins. Have a bin in a place like the living room that your child can access independently. Prepare some easy snacks like small bags of crackers or cheerios that you could instruct your child to grab if you are stuck feeding and can’t get them something in that moment. This could look like: “Go grab one bag from the bin and come sit with me while you have your snack.” Praise them when they come back with it. “Great job getting a snack! I am so proud of you!”. This independence is often very exciting for kids.

• Have busy bins that only come out at “special moments”. Go to the dollar store and grab a few small bins and a variety of small toys. Create themed kits such as a dinosaur bin, or a fairy bin, or a race car bin. You could print pieces of paper with different colours or numbers on them and then have your child sort the toys. The goal of these bins is to only bring them out when you need them so they feel new and exciting every time and you will be able to use the same few busy bins over and over.

• Have a place for books that your child can reach and bring to you. Children love stories. Keep books nearby so that you can say to your child “I am feeding the baby right now and we would love to look at a book with you!”. Have your child pick a book for you to look at together. Ask questions like “tell me what you see on that page?”, or “what do you think is happening in that picture?”.

Make big changes before your baby comes home.

If there are any big changes that need to be made like switching bedrooms or moving your child from a crib to a bed, try and do these things well before the baby arrives. This will give everyone time to adjust, and it will prevent your child from thinking that these changes happened as a result of the new baby coming home.

Keep routines the same when possible.

Children find reassurance and safety in routines. They thrive on being able to predict what happens next. Try and find ways to do the things the same as before the baby arrived. With so much of life looking different, things like bedtime and morning routines remaining the same and feeling familiar is sure to help your older child(ren) relax and feel more at ease.

Don’t blame the baby.

Try and avoid blaming the baby for things. Resentment can build quickly for children when they feel like they’re always being told no because of the new arrival. Instead of saying things like “I can’t play right now, I am feeding the baby.” Try rephrasing it to something like “I would love to play with you. Can you give me 5 minutes?” or “My hands are full, but I would love it if you could tell me all about that toy you are holding.”

Make the baby “wait”.

Older siblings often feel like they are often they stuck waiting for the baby to have their needs met first. When possible, make a point of showing the other child when they are taking priority. “The baby needs to go down for a nap in 10 minutes, but first I am going to play with you!”.

Include the big sibling.

Try and include the older sibling when possible. This could be as simple as saying “I am going to get the baby dressed now. Would you like to help me pick out an outfit?” or “It’s time for a diaper change. Do you think you could pass me the diaper or sing the baby a song?” If your big sibling has a doll or stuffed animal of their own this would be a great time to encourage them to change their diaper too. “It’s changing time. Would you like to change your dolls diaper too?”. When they have participated, let them know what an awesome job they are doing.

Praise and kind words.

Let your big sibling know when they are doing a good job and what a good big brother or sister they are. Positive reinforcement is important to children. Letting them know how helpful and patient they are will go a long way. Acknowledge that it can be hard to be a big sibling and let them know how much you appreciate their help - and that their baby sibling does too.

One-on-one time, when possible.

A new baby sure can change the dynamic of our day-to-day lives. No one feels this more than other children in the home. If possible, try and spend time each day focusing on the big sibling(s). Even just 10 minutes spent playing, colouring or reading a book can fill your child’s cup and reduce feelings of jealousy.

Know that big siblings may regress.

When children feel stress from change, they sometimes cope by regressing in their behaviours. Children who recently potty trained may start to want to use diapers or have accidents. Some children may have regressions in sleep or even start “baby talking”. This can be frustrating, but it can be helpful to remember that your child is experiencing emotions that they don’t know how to process. Regressing can be a coping mechanism, or a bid for connection with you. Often, children just need time to move through all that is happening around them and these regressions will go away on their own.

The transition is temporary, and you don’t have to be perfect.

Using some of these strategies is sure to make this adjustment easier but remember it is okay to have hiccups. Give yourself some grace. Parenting multiple children can be challenging. A little jealousy can be normal for children as they adapt to having a new person around. At the end of the day, you know your children and their needs best. Take things day-by-day as bonding can take time, and that’s okay. Before you know it, things will have settled, and your family will be making many special memories for years to come!

If you have questions or need hands on help with this period of adjustment, you can reach out to us at any time. Postpartum doulas can be an excellent resource to lean into. They can come to your home and help you prepare for your baby’s arrival. They can be there to help care for the baby and siblings. They can tackle tasks like laundry and meal prep so that you have less things to worry about.

Welcome Baby Co. is a Calgary-based company. We are happy to support all kinds of families through all kinds of birth and postpartum. Our goal is to prepare you for any scenario that may arise so that you can feel confident and empowered as you enter parenthood.

If you have any questions about Calgary birth doulas, Calgary postpartum doulas, or our Prenatal classes in Calgary, please contact us.